Умарин Глампанг: Райский Отдых в Таиланде — Фото и Цены!
Умарин Глампанг: Райский Отдых в Таиланде — Фото и Цены! (A Chaotic Dive into Paradise)
Okay, друзья! Let's talk about Умарин Глампанг. Райский Отдых в Таиланде, they say. Paradise Holiday in Thailand. Sounds dreamy, right? Well, I'm back from exploring this place (and let me tell you, it was an exploration), and I'm ready to give you the real, unfiltered scoop. This isn't just a review; it's a survival guide to maximizing your time (and your rubles) in this glamping haven. And because I'm Russian, we'll do it properly, with some genuine emotion and a generous helping of "душа."
(Disclaimer: This review is based on my personal experience and may not perfectly reflect every guest's experience. Your mileage may vary, but I'm betting it'll be pretty close!)
First Impression: Vakh, Kak Krasivo! (Wow, How Beautiful!)
The photos, let's be honest, are gorgeous. And in reality? Pretty darn close. Умарин Глампанг does have that "Instagrammable" vibe. Think luxury tents nestled into lush greenery, a pool that sparkles invitingly, and views that make you want to weep (in a good way, of course). The air, смешно сказать, is thick with the scent of frangipani and… well, let’s say it's a tropical symphony of smells. Good ones. Mostly.
Accessibility: Uf, Kak Eto Vse? (Ugh, How Is This?)
Okay, here's where things get… interesting. The website boasted "facilities for disabled guests." And I'm all for inclusivity, честно говоря. But from what I saw, navigating the terrain, which is hilly, might be a slight challenge. While there is an elevator (удивительно!) and some ramps, I'd strongly recommend contacting the hotel directly to confirm specific accessibility details before you book if you have mobility limitations. I did see a few families with young children, but pushing a pram felt like a genuine workout. Verdict: Needs more clarity and maybe a little more "accessible" in its execution.
On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: TBA
Internet: Ah, the Necessary Evil!
Wi-Fi. Боже мой. They proudly proclaim "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" and "Wi-Fi in public areas." And for the most part, it worked. Mostly. Look, I'm a digital native, constantly checking my emails and updates from my родной Москве. The connection was strong enough to browse, but trying to stream a movie? С трудом! I spent a decent amount of time staring at a buffering icon. Verdict: Acceptable for basic use, but don't expect lightning-fast speeds, especially if you're planning on working. Internet [LAN]: Не знаю, братья. I didn't even bother to try the LAN.
Things to Do (Besides Trying to Connect to Wi-Fi):
Here’s where Умарин Глампанг shines. This is why we're really here, right?
- Ways to Relax: Ну, конечно! This is the core of the experience.
- Body Scrub/Body Wrap: Хммм… Tempting. I didn't try them, but the spa looked dreamy.
- Fitness Center/Gym: Ура! I did this! Sort of. It's a small, basic gym, but hey, it had the essentials. Treadmill, some weights. Enough to work off all that delicious Thai food (more on that later).
- Foot bath: The best part of the gym, and one of the best parts of the whole trip. Pure bliss.
- Massage, Spa/Sauna, Steamroom: Да, да, да! The spa deserves its own paragraph. Seriously. I indulged in a traditional Thai massage. Господи, как хорошо! (God, how good!). The masseuse was a tiny woman with hands of steel. She knew exactly where to find all my tension. I emerged feeling like a new person. The sauna and steamroom were perfect after a long day.
- Pool with a view, Swimming pool/Swimming pool [outdoor]: Сказка! (Fairy tale!) The pool is an absolute highlight. Crystal clear, infinity edge, overlooking the jungle. The view from the pool is simply stunning. Perfect for reading or sipping cocktails.
- For the Kids: Babysitting Service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: I didn't travel with children, but I did see families there who looked happy. The staff seemed accommodating, and the kids' pool looked fun. If you're traveling with a family, it's a good option, assuming the kids can entertain themselves without a lot of loud noise.
Cleanliness and Safety: Chistota, Poryadok! (Cleanliness, Order!)
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: You know, the modern necessities. It's clear they take hygiene seriously. Everything felt spotless and well-maintained. This is a definite plus.
- Rooms sanitized between stays, Room sanitization opt-out available: Spokoino, my lyudi! (Relax, my people!) They take safety seriously, but give you a choice.
- CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Fire extinguisher, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms: Bezopasno, kak doma. (Safe, like at home.) Solid.
- Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit: Just in case.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Vkusno, Kak U Mamy! (Delicious, Like at Mom's!)
- A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant, Bottle of water: Okay, so the food. Это важно. And thankfully, Умарин Глампанг delivered. The food was generally excellent.
- The breakfast buffet was a feast. A dizzying array of options - Asian and Western - it was a challenge not to eat way too much. I have a memory and I still remember the delicious pastries.
- The restaurants offered a good selection of Thai and international dishes. The poolside bar was perfect for a sunset cocktail. Очень романтично.
- Room service [24-hour]: Because sometimes, you just need a midnight snack.
Services and Conveniences: Udobno, Spokoyno! (Convenient, Peaceful!)
- Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: They've got you covered. The staff was helpful and friendly. The concierge was a lifesaver when I needed to arrange a last-minute excursion. All of this is expected.
Available in all Rooms: Vse, Cto Nuzhno! (Everything Needed!)
- Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens: The rooms themselves exceeded my expectations. The tents were spacious, luxurious, and well-appointed. The bed
Alright, my little babushkas and borishes! Хочу в отпуск! (I want a vacation!) And not just any vacation, MIND YOU, we're talking Umarin Glamping Resort in Thailand. Get ready, because your little Snegurochka here is about to spill the beans (or, you know, the mango sticky rice) on how we're going to survive this glamping escapade. And when I say survive, I mean thrive! Or at least not end up face-planting on a mosquito net.
Umarin Glamping: Operation "Don't Get Eaten by Monkeys" – My Utterly Unreliable Itinerary
Day 1: Arrival & Hopes of Serenity (Immediately Shattered)
- 8:00 AM (Москва Time - my brain is probably still in Moscow time): Wake up. Actually, let's be honest, drag myself out of bed. Пора в аэропорт! (It's time for the airport!) Forget packing. I probably forgot something crucial. The passport? No idea. (Spoiler: I didn't. Score one for this klutzy traveler!)
- 10:00 AM: Flight from… well, somewhere. No need to get into the nitty-gritty. Let's just say the journey involved questionable aeroplane sandwiches and a crying baby. My internal monologue? "Just breathe, Anya. Breathe. You'll be glamping soon. Think of the infinity pool!"
- 7:00 PM Bangkok Time: FINALLY! Landed! Immigration? A blur of smiling faces and a stamp on my passport. Now we need to find a transfer… which involved a LOT of hand gestures and the vague promise of somewhere in the general direction of the resort. Trust me, it'll be an adventure. (Especially when I get lost, it's guaranteed!)
- 9:00 PM: Arrive at Umarin Glamping. OMG. It's… pretty. Like, seriously. Pictures don't do it justice. Like, Instagram-worthy. I mean, okay, my tent is probably the size of my old Moscow apartment. This is my life now!
- 9:30 PM : Check-in. The front desk guys are incredibly nice. Too nice? I immediately suspect a scam. But the welcome drink is delicious, so, I'm in.
- 10:00 PM: Dinner at the resort restaurant. Order everything on the menu, it's the Russian way. I'm going to drown myself in Pad Thai and mango sticky rice. I'm pretty sure I inhaled half of it before remembering to take a picture. (Important, I have to remember to photograph every meal. Otherwise, did it even happen?) Try and make friends with the locals. Be nice, and learn everything. "How much is this?" and "I need a translator," are top of my vocabulary list.
- 11:00 PM: Collapse into the ridiculously comfortable bed. Contemplate the meaning of life and the absence of bears in Thailand. (A good point, because if you didn't have a bear, what's Russia?)
Day 2: Jungle Adventure (and Potential Monkey Mayhem!)
- 8:00 AM: Wake up… or rather, be gently coaxed awake by the sound of birds and my own grumbling stomach. Breakfast is a lavish buffet. I eat way too much. It's a slippery slope from here, my friends.
- 9:00 AM: Yoga session. Okay, this is something I pretend to do at home. Here, I can do it in the jungle! I'm not flexible, not coordinated, and I spend most of the time trying not to faceplant. My instructor offers "calming breaths." I just offer a silent prayer to the yoga gods for it to end.
- 10:00 AM: The jungle trek. My nemesis! Mosquito repellent is my friend, followed by my phone so I can always see where to go. I swear, I saw one of these creepy-crawlies. I'm convinced they're plotting world domination. (Or at least a minor bite).
- 12:00 PM: Lunch at a local place. The real deal. I'm trying to be brave, but I'm also a little scared of the spice level. (Russian food is NOT known for its spice.) I order something called "red curry" and immediately regret everything. Tears stream down my face, my nose is running. I'm dying. But the flavours are incredible!
- 2:00 PM: Free time. My people are so cute! The pool calls.. The infinity pool is glorious! I could spend the rest of my life here. But I decide to be adventurous and read a book. Incredibly, I actually finish it!
- 7:00 PM: Back at the resort, freshen up. Dinner and drinks by the fire. I learn some Thai phrases. They're going to be useful.
- 9:00 PM: Stargazing. Mesmerising. I spend an hour finding the Big Dipper, or Bol'shaya Medveditsa, as we say in Russia. And just when it was starting to get romantic, the mosquitoes descended.
- 10:00 PM: Bedtime. The sounds of the jungle lull me to sleep. Again, contemplating the meaning of life. And the absence of bears.
Day 3: Kayaking & Existential Dread (and the Quest for the Perfect Smoothie)
- 9:00 AM: Rise and shine! Smoothie quest is on! I decide I'm going to find the perfect smoothie here, and I will not rest until I have. (Even if it kills me, or at least gives me an epic brain freeze.) Breakfast, of course. I'm obsessed.
- 10:00 AM: Kayaking. I have visions of graceful gliding through the water. The reality? I'm paddling in circles. The current is against me. I'm getting sunburnt. And I'm pretty sure I accidentally bumped into a turtle.
- *A Note of Importance: I think I saw a *gorgeous* monkey on the shore during my kayaking. I tried to kayak closer (yeah, a stupid idea), and ended up getting splashed. But I'm still on the lookout for those critters!*
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. Smoothie attempt number one. Terrible. Too much ginger! I'm not giving up.
- 2:00 PM: Massage is next on the agenda! I select the aroma therapy package. Utter bliss. I fall asleep and snore audibly.
- 4:00 PM: Smoothie round two. Slightly better. But still something is missing. I'm going to ask the chefs.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner - and finally! They have a cooking class! I order the papaya salad. I learn to make it myself, and it's amazing! I'm a master chef! Or, at least, a decent one.
- 9:00 PM: Packing (or, at least, the attempt). I'm probably leaving half my stuff. I'll worry about it later. A last-minute check to see if I have everything. I don't.
- 10:00 PM: Lights out. (Or, more accurately, collapse into bed). Wondering if I could somehow stay here forever.
- 11:00 PM: Sleep
Day 4: Departure (and the inevitable sadness)
- 8:00 AM: Last breakfast. I'm sad to leave. I could get used to this.
- 10:00 AM: Final goodbye wave. Another transfer.
- 11:00 AM: Airport chaos. Buy some gifts.
- 1:00 PM: The plane. The journey home starts. I think "I have an amazing life".
- 2:00 PM: As you can see, I'm not a planner. I'm doing this to remember that I'm lucky, and strong. And that I'm going to miss my glamping paradise.
And that, my friends, is my totally unreliable, emotional, and slightly-off-the-rails itinerary. Wish me luck, and maybe send a care package of mosquito repellent! And remember, the best adventures are the ones you never fully prepare for. До свидания! (Goodbye!) And watch out for those monkeys!
Тайваньский секрет Сининга: 807 — что скрывают цифры?
Что такое вообще этот ваш Умарин Глампанг? И почему райский отдых?
Ну вот как объяснить... Представь себе: ты, значит, в Таиланде, кайфуешь. Не в каком-то там корявом отеле с кондиционером, который рычит, как голодный тигр, а в... глампанге! Это типа как палатка, но не для хиппи, а для тех, кто хочет чуть-чуть роскоши. Умарин – это, кажется, название места, где эти глампанги стоят. Я, честно говоря, сначала отнеслась скептически. "Глампанг? Фигня какая-то." Но фотографии... Ах, эти фотографии! Белые паруса, бассейн прямо под боком, море, как на картинке... И в итоге поняла, что это и есть РАЙ. Ну, почти. Об этом позже.
Сколько это стоит, этот ваш райский отдых? А то вдруг мне тоже надо!
Вот тут-то и начинается самое интересное... Цены, конечно, не как на картошку на рынке. Не дешево, скажем так. Но знаете, что? Иногда стоит заплатить. Я помню, как пыталась найти информацию на сайтах, слюнки текли от фотографий, а потом увидела цены и чуть не грохнулась в обморок. «Ну уж нет!». Но потом посчитала: перелет, еда, развлечения, всякие мелочи... И поняла, что с учетом комфорта и эксклюзивности, оно того стоит. В общем, смотреть нужно конкретно по датам и сезону, цены там плавают, как рыбки в море... но будьте готовы к тому, что это не бюджетный вариант. Но если есть возможность – оно того стоит! Я вот мечтаю еще раз поехать.
Что там внутри этих ваших глампангов? Комфортно ли?
Комфортно – это мягко сказано! Представьте себе: кровать с балдахином (романтика!), кондиционер, ванная комната с душем (аж два!) и туалетом (не общий, слава богу!). В некоторых глампангах даже есть собственный балкончик или терраса – сидишь, пьешь коктейль, смотришь на закат... или на рассвет, если ты ранняя пташка. Честно говоря, внутренний интерьер там проработали до мелочей. Я даже не ожидала, что в палатке может быть настолько красиво и уютно. Я прям тащилась от ощущения, что я в палатке, но блин – как королева! Вот было бы круто если бы там еще был личный дворецкий... *мечтательно закатывает глаза*
А чем там заняться, кроме как валяться на кровати и любоваться видами?
О! Чем заняться – вопрос хороший! Во-первых, пляж. Море. Песок. Купаться, загорать, строить замки (если не стесняетесь). Во-вторых, всякие экскурсии. Можно съездить на острова, посмотреть на слонов (но осторожно, относитесь уважительно!), поплавать с маской и трубкой. В-третьих, спа-процедуры! Массаж, обертывания… Я обожаю массаж. После него чувствуешь себя, как заново родившимся. Плюс, на территории Умарин Глампанга обычно есть ресторан, бар... Короче, развлечений хватает на любой вкус. Я даже на йогу там попала! Первый раз в жизни. Смешно, но полезно.
Еда там вкусная? А то я привередливый.
Еда… О, еда – это отдельная песня! Если вы любите тайскую кухню, то вам там точно понравится. Много свежих морепродуктов, фруктов (манго, ананасы, папайя – просто объедение!), всяких супчиков и карри. Но если вы, как я, не очень привыкли к острой пище, то придется пару раз просить "ноу спайси". В первый день я заказала какое-то блюдо, и у меня из глаз текли слезы. Прямо рекой! Пришлось срочно запивать ледяной водой. Но в целом, еда отличная. Есть и европейская кухня, если что. Так что голодными точно не останетесь. И кофе! Кофе там хороший, не как в некоторых отелях, где подают какую-то бурду.
А что там с погодой? Всегда ли рай?
Ну, почти… Практически рай. Но, знаете, погода – она такая дама капризная. В Таиланде есть сезон дождей. Когда я первый раз туда поехала, попала как раз в него. Дожди были, но не постоянно. Иногда лило, как из ведра, а иногда – солнышко. Но даже в дождь было тепло и хорошо. А если повезет, как мне во второй раз – будет идеальная погода: солнце, небо, море… Блаженство! Главное – не забывайте про солнцезащитный крем! Я вот, по глупости, забыла… и обгорела так, что потом неделю ходила, как вареный рак. До сих пор вспоминаю с содроганием. Так что, смотрите прогноз погоды перед поездкой, но помните – даже дождь не испортит отдых в таком месте.
Какие недостатки у этого вашего Умарин Глампанга? Признавайтесь!
Ну, недостатки… Они, конечно, есть. Как и везде. Во-первых, комары. Они там есть. И кусаются. Так что берите фумигаторы и всякие средства от насекомых. Во-вторых, иногда бывают проблемы с интернетом. Хотя, честно говоря, в райском отдыхе можно и без интернета обойтись. В-третьих, цена. Как я уже говорила, это не самый дешевый вариант. Ну и, пожалуй, все. Знаете, я копалась, копалась, и больше ничего не нашла. Может, я просто влюбилась в это место? Да, наверное, так и есть! Ну, ладно, еще, возможно, вам придется делить бассейн с другими людьми. Но это мелочи. В целом, это одно из лучших мест, где я когда-либо была. Я даже планирую вернуться туда в следующем году. Если, конечно, деньги будут…
